1. Websites that only have one item per page need to be punched in the solar plexus.
I know how it all works. Websites get money through ad revenue and the more clicks the website gets the more revenue they generate. So I can understand spreading your article to two pages but the real loser pages do something like this: “Top 10 Knock-Out Punches Thrown in UFC History” – and then when you go the website they have one page per knock-out punch. They blow that sucker up to 10 pages. It makes me so angry. I love lists, but I hate having to navigate to each separate item. Sometimes they try to trick you by making the article appear as a slide show, but in reality they’ve just dressed up a scheme to make you navigate through a new page per click.
2. Websites featuring full-page ads (that you are afraid to close) should all be voted off the island.
Some of my favorite websites have full page ads that just take your whole screen hostage. The good sites usually offer a quick close feature that is easy to spot and use. Some websites, however, you just kind of aren’t sure about the site in general and so that full page ad seems particularly menacing. You want to close it, but also would like to avoid being redirected to all the viruses that ever existed ever.
3. Websites that have auto play ads (that you can’t find) have no concern for the human spirit and should therefore be incinerated.
I used to use a reader. It would post me a list of links each day whenever one of my favorite websites had been updated. So I’d sit down and just open each website in a new window until all the pages I wanted to read were open and I could just go one page at a time. Then something terrible happened. Websites would put a video ad on the site, drop it in some obscure location on the sidebar, and have it play automatically upon loading the page. I would go into scramble mode trying to figure out which page had done this. If I had multiple pages open from the same site featuring the auto-play ad…well we’re no longer on speaking terms.
4. Websites with big splash pages should get a big splash karate chop to the neck.
You go to a website, only it’s not really the website, it’s an annoying splash page that introduces the website. There’s usually nothing to do on the splash page except wait for the real website to load and get your info. Band websites are usually the culprits here. Stop that, you criminals of good navigation!
5. Websites that optimized for Internet Explorer should go die in a fire(fox).
Yeah market share blah blah blah. Nobody cool (read: knows how to use the internets) uses IE.
6. Websites make you watch ads that can’t be advanced within 5 seconds should hang their heads in shame.
I remember the golden days of YouTube when there wasn’t an ad at the start of each video and then not a subsequent ad popping up after 5 seconds covering the bottom fourth of the image. There is still some hope when these ads offer a “close ad” feature that becomes available after 5 seconds. But when I have to watch a 30 second ad so I can watch a 25 second video of someone falling down I want to write an angry letter to whoever is in charge of this stuff. Or how about this one: watch an ad before watching a movie trailer (an ad). Am I taking crazy pills?