The Sissiest Cars

Toyota Prius

By driving this car you are essentially saying that “my stupid, ironic beard and I will definitely lose in a fist fight.”

Volvo V50

Admit it. You got this car so you’d have more room for your groceries from Trader Joe’s that you just can’t help bragging about on your Twitter account.

Volkswagen Jetta

If you drive this car you probably also get excited about shopping for scarves. Barely sissier than the VW Beetle but only because of “slug bug.” We encourage that kind of promotion of violence here at TPAC.

Chrysler PT Cruiser

The official car of sissy grandmothers. Seriously this is about as tough as wing-tip bowling shoes and those naked troll dolls with the long pink hair.

Honda Element

This SUV crossover has plenty of room for you and your wuss friends (or space for your little dog that you carry around in your oversize bag).

Toyota Yaris

The Yaris is basically an easter egg on wheels. There’s nothing tough about an easter egg. It’s pink, fragile, and carried around in a grass padded basket by a bunny…the egg, that is.

Mitsubishi Eclipse

Standard accessories include shoe rack, purse holder, rear-view vanity mirror. Even though it looks kind of cool it’s a total chick car. Kind of like the Pontiac Sunfire back in the day.

Smart Car

Shaking the hand of a guy who drives one of these has got to be like grabbing a handful of wet noodles.

Scion Xb

*see picture* Why do the wheels have to be so small?

Nissan Cube

Oh come on! Look at that thing! A pre-teen girl would like that.

MINI Cooper

It has a quarter slot. When you insert 50 cents it rocks forward and backwards, lights flash, and some distorted car sounds can be heard.


10 thoughts on “The Sissiest Cars

  1. Hey Tyler,
    What are you saying here? First, are you going by looks only? Are you superficial?
    Second, if someone buys one of these cars they are a sissy too?
    If you think I am taking this personally, you’re right cause I just bought one at the beginning of the year.

    Now that I said all that, I’m just messing with you, giving you a hard time. No problem here, I like getting 50 mpg.

    Just remember, when judging by looks, I am 6’1″ tall and you are………?


    1. Haha well Gary, it’s all in good fun right? 🙂 I actually got the idea the other day when I was thinking about how much people (myself included) care what their car looks like when the look seldom has any stake in the whole process of getting you from one place to another – you know, it’s purpose.

      And I don’t exactly drive an intimidating looking vehicle.

      But I DO get 50mpg…on my MOTORCYCLE! muhahaha

    1. A female claiming she loves her go-kart car isn’t exactly the opposite of sissy, but I get what you are saying! 🙂 I bet they are fun to drive, and a couple of years ago they were rated as having the highest resale value as a used car!

      Why did you get rid of it? 6 years is kind of a short life-span.

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