Grocery Store Angst

The grocery store is a place where if you ever needed proof of the “Fall of Man” you caneasily find a plethora of evidence to support that reality. The people are crazy and they all shop at the Jewel right by my house. The following are the things they do that make me want to grow hair just so I can pull it out.

Cart + Shopper Blockade.


This crafty maneuver involves a person putting their cart parallel with one side of the isle but then drifting to the other side of the isle to more closely examine the boxes of Total Raisin Bran. They are concentrating so hard on the daily % of Vitamin B12 that they don’t see me coming and don’t realize there is no way to get around. I don’t even buy cereal but because of them I’m stuck pretending to look at boxes of Honey Comb so I don’t look like an impatient jerk (which I am) wishing they’d just keep their cart on the same side of the isle as the product they are choosing.

Paying with a check.

I’m always shocked to see someone paying with a check. Stores seem to ask for DNA testing before they’ll even accept them. But when I see someone pull out a check book I like to imagine that they have rotary phones and wooden console TVs at home. The person who pays with a check never has anything ready. The check is always blank. They also never know the date so they have to ask the cashier. Of course they also have to write their phone number and DL number. I can practically hear my ice cream melting.

Ignoring fast lane rules.

I’m almost always in the fast lane. I don’t buy many groceries at once. It’s not just me who believes that I shouldn’t have to wait 20 min for the woman checking out hundreds in groceries for her 5 kids – the store believes that too. That’s why the fast lane exists. The bad part is when someone who has more than 10 items (or 20 or whatever) decides they shouldn’t have to wait simply because they don’t want to. I’d like to help them get to the maximum items by offering to throw their extra items out of their cart.

Leaving carts where they lie.

I took this photo at Jewel by my house.


Have you ever pulled into what could’ve been a dynamite parking space only to discover that it has a lone shopping cart in it causing you to back up and take the spot behind the giant SUV increasing your chance of backing into cars or other shoppers upon your departure? I have. How hard is it to walk 20 yards and put your cart in the carousel. I’m surprised people that lazy can even get themselves out of bed to shop in the first place.

Same food, different location.

Why do the taco shells need to be in 4 locations? They are in the “ethnic isle” (aren’t we all ethnic?), the cooler near the butter, the end cap, and somewhere near the taco seasoning packs. Then there’s Velveeta. Sometimes it’s in the pasta isle – like someone who is smart enough to know that macaroni will be with the pasta isn’t going to know that the Velveeta will be with the cheese. W-mart will put every frozen item in the freezer section except for frozen hamburgers and chicken which are in freezers near the fresh meats. I guess if I spend more time in the store I’m likely to buy more things – or get mad enough to not come back in the future.

The coupon lady.

Why is it always a lady? Go to Aldi if you want to save money. I feel like the money I’m paying extra to shop at Jewel should mean that if you bring a million coupons you can wait until there’s nobody to stand behind you in line.

So. Many. Registers.

It’s no secret when the grocery store will be packed. Go to any grocery on any Sunday right about the time your community’s churches get out. It will be slammed. I’m dumbfounded that even at these peak hours they don’t open more lanes. THEY KNOW it’s going to be busy! At some stores they have 20-30 registers but I’ve never once seen them all operating at the same time. Why even build all those lanes if they won’t ever be used.

Ok that’s the end of my rant. I need to get to the store anyway…


6 thoughts on “Grocery Store Angst

  1. I DO go to Aldi to save money, but you know what — I can also get cheaper groceries at regular grocery stores by using COUPONS — I’m cheap, what can I say? I find it a wonderful challenge to see how much money I can save and who cheap I can get items — I mean Chips Ahoy for $.50 a container? Now, don’t tell me you wouldn’t like to spend almost $3 less for a box of cookies if you have the coupons to do it?

  2. 1. Those ladies are blocking the isle because they want you to talk to them.
    2. Velveeta should not be sold near the cheese because IT’S NOT CHEESE. It is made of only 51% cheese so it would make more sense to put it on a shelf with the Cheez-its since cheese is only an ingredient. I’d put it by the plastic wrap.
    3. On Sundays, smart shoppers wait to go to the store after the football game starts. The rush only lasts about an hour and then the store is dead.

  3. I would like to add the shopping cart with a bum wheel. Is it me who always picks the broken cart, or all they ALL broken? I usually flow counter-clockwise through the Woodmans, which is very difficult if the cart always wants to turn right.

    -I would also like to challenge the authenticity of the Jewel cart picture. “UES”? Somebody actually wrote that, then decided to make a safety perimeter with orange cones? Seems almost too good.

  4. Well Brian — didn’t you see the arrow under the “UES” — they were correcting their spelling error — “UES” means “USE” (I’m assuming this is what they meant?) Not sure why they felt the need to use orange traffic cones — I would think that their sign, correction to the sign and also laying the cart on the ground one would get the idea….

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