To whom it may concern:
I was a recent guest at your motel due to the blistering spring snow storm that came through on the night of Mar 19th. In order to set the tone of this letter it should be known that while I was quite upset with the overall poor quality of just about everything concerning your motel, I have since found almost all of those same things hilarious pending a few more test results from the hospital denying any medical conditions I might be subject to because of the exposure to said motel. In this letter I will be outlining those things which, funny now, might be a concern for you and your further business in the greater Adair area.
The fact is that you were our second choice for motel accommodation. We started at the Super 8 but they had no vacancy. Reluctantly, we headed over to your place of business with low hopes that you subsequently lived up to.
The first thing I noticed when my father and I pushed the door open was the vacuum cleaner just sitting there in the middle of the room.
I thought this was a bold move and most certainly a “first” when it comes to motel experiences. I have since pondered what you hoped to say with leaving a vacuum cleaner in the room, in the way. I have concluded that you could possibly meant any of the following statements.
1. We totally meant to vacuum this floor; the vacuum cleaner’s presence is proof. Unfortunately, the intent to clean and the state of cleanliness are very different. In fact, after living for a mere 30 years I’ve learned that good intentions don’t really mean squat to anyone expecting a result. For example a teen that gets out all the lawn care equipment and then gets distracted by reruns of Darkwing Duck will still be in trouble when his dad comes home and sees the unkempt yard. The presence of the weed eater and lawn mower don’t really help to soften the blow.
2. This floor is clean; we left the vacuum as evidence. This is problematic because if you need to leave the cleaning supplies out to bear testimony to your work, then something might be wrong with the job you performed. A clean room should speak for itself – if it doesn’t feel clean after cleaning, clean again.
3. You want a clean floor? Vacuum it yourself! I can totally understand this mentality! Sometimes people have expectations that are unrealistic and just need to be told to get off their own butts and work hard. If the room had been free, I think this would be a more appropriate gesture. We paid a sum of money to stay there, so unlike a mother leaving out a list of chores for the free-loading children to do, we expect that you actually would have the room ready for us.
After the vacuum cleaner I noted that there was barely any light in the room. A single bulb in a ceiling fixture, a low power lamp by the solo king sized bed, and the horrid fluorescent lights above the headboard made the whole place seem dim and dingy. I hardly can believe that it is intentional unless of course there is a certain lack of aforementioned cleanliness and dim lighting is a great way to mask it. Lighting is a curious thing – different styles and colors of light have different effects on the moods of the people who experience them. Your motel seems kind of gross because most people have better lighting in their garages and basements.
Moving on, I’d like to say thank you for the microwave and dorm room sized refrigerator. The “resort” we’d stayed in all week at the Winter Park Resort hotel didn’t have these simple appliances. However, we are not to be fooled! My father overheard someone at the front desk stating that if the microwaves were used they were likely to blow fuses. Not cool. Also, our room had two microwaves. It felt as if you were mocking us with double the unusable appliance. What could have been double the Hot Pocket melting power turned out to be nothing but disappointment.
The system you use for heating was quite confusing. To be clear, it is a light switch and a volume knob. Most people, I’m sure you know, are used to a thermostat that gives an indication of the temperature they can hold the room at if they apply the heat or air conditioning. Your system offers no such gauge. How much heat is half volume? Will the heat ever turn off or just continue to blast at its current setting? Could it at least come with some simple instruction beyond how to turn it on. You might just save some money by having regulated heat.
The faucet sprayed water out in a flat array paying tribute to all run down truck stop bathrooms. This is super annoying mostly because when you want to wash your hands you get a shower in addition. With that said, I avoided the shower altogether. By the time I had made my way back to the bathroom I was pretty skeptical of its safety and sterility. Also there were dead bugs on the bathroom floor. Not what I’d consider classy, but I suppose dead bugs are better than live bugs. Kudos!
I think that about covers it and though most of this has been negative, there were a few positives. For example, your tv station key was wrong and it made for a lovely game of What Channel is This Because It Sure Isn’t HBO. Also I commend you for saving probably 30 sheets of paper by simply drawing in the correction that dialing out requires an 8 when it used to be a 9. Obviously the environment is a concern of yours. Another positive is that you didn’t even bother to shovel the 6 inches of snow off the narrow steps coming down from the outside second floor which made them slippery and treacherous. What an adventure! And finally, there is the fact that you are right next door to a Casey’s and I LOVE their pizza. That isn’t really anything that you’ve done well, but it helped me ignore the rest of the issues.
I hope you will find this letter to be helpful in building a better reputation for your business.