5 Things About Transformers 2

For the record, I actually enjoyed my hours in the theater watching this film.  I may have become more passionate about film quality over the past few years, but I still know how to have a good time with a movie that’s less than perfect, and let’s be honest about this movie, it is much less than perfect.  Here’s a few things about it.

1. Lowest common denominator

I believe this is a phrase they use in reference to comedy.  Find the biggest idiot in the room and tell jokes to him. The idea is that if you want EVERYONE to laugh, you tell jokes that everyone can get. Transformers 2 unfortunately stoops a little too low. I actually enjoyed some of the silly humor in the first film, but they went overboard here (which is typical for sequels). It appeals to some people because I remember the full theater laughing at certain parts, but on your own you’d more than likely just roll your eyes.

Comedy inspired by this guy. Yeah, its that bad.
Comedy inspired by this guy. Yeah, it's that bad.

2. The light is always in my eyes.

This isn’t really a complaint, but there’s always some sort of lens flare or bright light shining in your eyes throughout the movie. I’m not sure why this is included so much. It makes for some cool shots, but add it to too many and it feels tired and unimportant and lazy.

3. Robots should behave more like robots.

I think that it would be tough to even care about the automated characters unless they were able to display some kind of human expression. But when certain gigantic advanced alien non-biological entities begin speaking in ebonics, utilizing english idioms that have evolved over decades of pop culture, crying, farting, and showing signs of aging more akin to elderly humans rather then metal and circuitry, then I start to wonder if the filmmakers need to be reminded that the characters they are dealing with are gigantic advanced alien non-biological entities.  Optimus Prime had the best “on screen” presence in the film and you don’t see him farting out parachutes do you?  Also, on a side note, why are the Autobots drawn with more human-ish features while the Decepticons are more creature-ish by design? Has anyone ever seen the original transformers – they all kind of looked the same!

hey lets take some no-name autobots and give them some racist lines and toilet humor. $$
hey lets take some no-name autobots and give them some racist lines and toilet humor. $$

4. Robot fights = cool. Robot fights that take 25 min = not cool.

This is just my point that the movie was too long and a few of the fights entirely too drawn out. Even something as cool as a gunfight with a robot capable of leveling a city block can be boring if it takes too long for said robot to level said city block. Remember the opening scene of the first movie. The helicopter destroyed a fully equipped army base in a matter of minutes all while hacking the military main frame. When he was finished, the only thing left was a few bad actors and a “sound.” Now that was cool. In Transformers 2, the humans are able to fend off an even more powerful Decepticon (Megatron) with some machine guns and grenades for a good 20 min. This allowed for a few Megan Fox “baywatch” running scenes along with some extended screen time for the super-fun-to-watch-delivering of a sockful of dust to a dead robot….

5. Wait, what movie is this?

I won’t spoil it for you, but you know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen it. I could swear I already saw an equally disappointing sci-fi installment (starring Christian Bale) this summer – so what are its, er, “characters” doing in my Transformers movie. This was 100% pointless and dumb.

I remember thinking a few months back, “I’ve got this feeling that Transformers 2 is going to suck,” but I mostly dismissed that because the first one was so fun.  In a nut-shell, it takes everything that worked in the first movie and vamped it up. This left us with a couple of awesome fight scenes mixed in with terrible humor, a laborious plot, and Megan Fox. It could have been so much better, but even something as cool as Transformers is not beyond the curse of the sequel. A good way to get your mind around it is this: remember when Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl came out and it was awesome and cool and fun(ny) and you loved it? And then the sequel came out and you walked away scratching your head wondering how a man got a squid for a face? Yeah. It’s kind of like that.

For a more extensive list on why this movie (in the author’s opinion) sucked. Check out this article.


2 thoughts on “5 Things About Transformers 2

  1. Agree with you 100% even though most of the kids in my youth group hate me for saying that the movie stunk. If I could add to your list I would say that adding new autobots (other than skid and mudflap) and never really state their names or let you have a good look at them…or really let you get to know them in any way so that you care if they get hurt (I think the motorcycle chicks got killed, but I wasn’t sure) is a complete waste. Just my opinion

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